How many people can be honest and open about sexual fantasies? Well that’s a different matter. And what difference will it make if we are open or secret about them? These are all more important questions than you might think.

Fantasies can greatly enhance our sexuality or they can shut it down. It all depends on what our beliefs are about fantasy and how we handle them. Certainly having them can be a great turn on. But feeling like we have to keep them secret from our sexual partner can reduce our sexual functioning over time. That’s because withholding of important thoughts and feelings in general can create distance in our intimate relationships. And this can be true of sexual fantasy as well.

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But the sharing of fantasies can also greatly enhance our sexual relationships if we have the courage to expose ourselves. When we remember that intimacy is enhanced by our sharing feelings in general, it naturally follows that we reduce our chances for intimacy when we withhold our thoughts and feelings about our innermost sexual fantasies.

Unfortunately, the concept of fantasy is greatly misunderstood and consequently our sexual fantasy lives can often become shrouded in secrecy. The culture in which we live has a huge bearing on our beliefs about what is appropriate to think about and what is not. This is unfortunate because my experience has shown me that there is a big price paid for sexual secretsBut we usually don’t recognize this important connection. I’ll attempt to make the association between sexual secrets and sexual energy more clear in the following few pages.

As with most other aspects of sexuality, fantasy also comes with its share of myths. Here are a few to think about.